Full moon dreams

As a new mom there isn’t a lot of sleep in my world. I suppose I am luckier than others, my son will sleep for large chunks, but it took us a year to get there. As someone who is an active dreamer, it has been very strange to have no dreams for a year.

The past few months they have been coming back. First, they came back with the stress dreams and nightmares that I think all new moms have. Now I am starting to have my normal strange dreams, the magic dreams and the silly dreams. Full moon through the leaves

Last night was magic. In my dream….. 

I walked out of a forest path to find myself on a sandy beach in a cove. The moon was shining high in the sky and it was all quiet. In the shallows I could see symbols stamped into the sand. I stood there and stretched my arms high above my head and soaked in the moonlight.

A noise brought my eyes to the shore across the cove where a baby bear came wandering out. Shortly after that, mama bear came out to stand on the beach. I stood there watching them and then reached for my phone to snap a photograph. As I zoomed in on the baby bear, a young wolf cub came out of the forest and began to play with the bear cub. At that point my dream brain thought “Hmm, maybe I should leave so that the mama animals don’t get angry with me.” That woke me enough that the dream shifted and I lost the sense of magic and instead had the sense of anxiety of getting away from the wild animals.

Both bear and wolf have meaning to me so I will meditate on the messages from them. I also remember the symbols I saw and will add that into the mix to see what the Goddess was sending me. I am dealing with a lot of change in my life, I know my stress and anxiety have been starting to climb, so it was really refreshing to have such a calm and meaningful dream.

I had tried to do a little spiritual work before bed, but I was so worn thin. The Goddess whispered in my ear “Go rest now” and I am glad I listened. The dream stayed with me and I can still feel the sense of relaxation. Have you ever had a dream that stuck with you like that? That was so calm and so perfectly normal, yet magickal?

I hope everyone had a magickal full moon and that you got what you needed from it.

 

 

 

 

Goddess Dreams

Last week there wasn’t much sleep, but I did manage to have one interesting dream.

In the dream I was waiting in line in a public restroom. There were two ladies ahead of me and they were having a very detailed discussion about a life sized statue or something that they were trying to create of the Goddess Inanna. I listened in for a few moments and then broke into the conversation.

I told them how amazed I was to hear other people speaking of pagan things in public and how alone I had felt. They told me that there were more of us around then I realized and I had more support then I knew.

Then they instructed me to make 2 necklaces. One of red beads and one of white. I can’t remember why I was supposed to make the necklaces, but I could visualize them. So I suppose I’ll have to be on the look out for the correct beads.

It was interesting to me that it was Inanna. I have had very little contact with her, but the contact I have had was through a friend who is a super mom. I suppose that might be where the connection is coming through. While I wish to be as fierce and strong as she is, I know I’m going to do it in a different way. And that is ok.

 

Meditation: Jan 31 2015 and musings.

I’ve been pondering a dream I had about a White Cobra that was a guardian of a mountain.  Cobras and snakes are often in my meditations and are one of my spirit animals. Those who have been following me for awhile may remember me researching winged cobras. I had one that was around for awhile, and I think it was Wadjet, but its hard to know.

So I had several people offer suggestions on the White Cobra and I have let it simmer in my mind. Last night I meditated as I drifted off to sleep. Tonight I dug back through my dream and journey diary and some threads are starting to maybe come together.

First though, last nights meditation.

I was about to head into my astral temple when Freyja stopped me. She handed me something that I thought was a staff, but then as she walked away I looked down and realized it was a gigantic skeleton key. I examined it but was unsure why she gave it to me. I took it with me into my space and hung it off a branch of a tree.

One of my snakes that guards the tree slithered out to examine it. The snake was long, white, with yellow markings. It wrapped around the key and proceeded to have a nap.

I sensed something behind me and turned to find a cow munching on some grass. I stared at it and headed towards it quietly. I reached out to touch the large curved horns on its head and pricked my finger on the tip of the horn. Some of my blood ran down the horn and I took my finger back. The cow continued to eat the grass.

I turned and saw that the grass was all turning to sand. I walked over to a round disk and said I would allow myself to be moved if this space prevented a discussion. I was moved to a desert. There was nothing around and the wind was blowing. A storm was coming up. I knew I would be buried alive by the sand, but I was not worried. I lay back and let it happen. I know that sometimes we must let go. As the sand buried me I fell through it and appeared in a black pyramid. The stones were dark, there was no real light.

I could see a long tunnel leading out of the center room, and could only catch glimpses of images on the walls. A voice echoed through the room saying one word. “Child”. I called out asking for some sort of hint as to who it was. A throne appeared with a dark figure on it. The head was a male lion, but then the mouth opened and the lion vanished and a different head came forth. Before I could figure out what the head was I was woken up.

Today I flipped through my journal.

The cow has appeared in my space before, but I had no interaction with it. I know lions have made appearances along with bone monkies and alligators/crocs. I had a dream before of getting a skeleton key tattoo on my back with a rose. Bast and Freyja have often appeared as I work with them. Cats of all types, panthers, tigers, kittens… and then all the snakes. Cobras, pythons… regular snakes… Once, and only once did Set appear in a dream. He used me with permission of Bast to pass on a message to someone I knew.

I don’t know what any of it means, but I will continue to ponder. I am often doing magick of some sort in my dreams, spells to protect, spells to heal, all sorts of spells. I am often battling things or tsunamis and twisters are involved. I think I will have to get more specific and ask for clarification before I sleep. For now I am going to pull out the Book of Doors and pull a card or two.

So, the first card that half fell out and thus needed to be pulled is Udjit ( Ta, #3). Snakes. Second card, Apet (Aah, #2). Hippopotamus, with a croc/alligator on her back. Kekiu (TEpli-Aui-Un #5) Frogs.

I’m open to thoughts.

New Moon & Life

TGIF! Work has been go go go, for the past 2 weeks. I’m feeling pretty worn out. The week was short but felt like it took forever. Coming off a nasty cold into the busiest time of the year was harder than I thought it would be. Mercury going into retrograde right as we got super busy and launched a new program at work led to some headaches. Hopefully next week goes smoother!

I started off the week with a new hair cut and some hair dye. I told myself I was going to be me this year and so I brought some boldness in. I’m now rocking a pixie cut with vivid red hair. Everyone has thought it is super cool. I think it might be a bit too bold for some, but that’s ok. I had a student stop me in the hall to tell me how awesome they thought it was.

Last year my Lady nudged me to start dressing up and having fun with my look. I’ve had a few false starts, but I think my hair has reminded me to get out there and try new things. I want to be me, so I can’t keep letting worries about the conservative mindset of other people hold me back. If I want to wear bright colours and sparkly jewelry and have crazy hair… well then I should. I’m finding my stride in this place.

I was worn out on the New Moon but I pulled something together. I started off the night with the LBRP to center and cleanse. One of my loved ones had some stress going on in their life so I crafted a protective amulet for them and sent out some protection magick. Then I also spent some time sending energy to a few more of my loved ones.

I walked around my room using my shakers to cleanse the space. I like to use music and vibration to help get rid of bad energy. Then I sprinkled some salt around. We’ve had some restless nights and I thought a bit of grounding would help. I ended the night catching my spiritual journal up. It helped me to mellow out.

I’ve had some crazy dreams all week and made some notes. I can tell I am stressed out when my dreams get terrible. I think I need to get back to my practice of praying and meditating. Some of my coworkers want to start a meditation group and I think I should get in on that.

In a few months I’m taking a music class. I look forward to learning how to play my ukulele. I think music is important and I want to be able to jam with the hubby!

Prayer (Aug Photo Challenge)

17. Prayer. I’m happy with my prayer beads and wear them to work often. The weight of them remind me to check in. I pray through out the day. In the morning on my way to work, on my lunch break, in stressful moments and at night. Keeping in touch with my Gods and Goddesses is important to me.

prayerFind the prompts here.

TGIF: Good things

So my procedure went easily yesterday and thankfully the Dr. let me know that everything looks 100% normal. So yay! Of course I have to go back for screening in 5 years, but that’s fine. I can handle it.

I am so grateful to my hubby who was there to take care of me after. He fussed over me all day and today has been sending emails to check up on me. While I was lucky and wasn’t super groggy afterwards, I know I wasn’t 100% grounded. I told him that reality was just lagging a few seconds behind me.

I’m also grateful I decided to take today off since I am still wiped. A night of little sleep, a day and a half of no food, and then sedation on top of it all has left me a bit tuckered out. It was wonderful to sleep in. I’m going to relax and watch a movie later this afternoon.

I decided to look at the whole thing in a spiritual light. Usually when I can’t eat I get super cranky and moody, but I looked at it as a fast to lead me through a journey. That kept me in a mellow frame of mind. And interestingly after I decided that my boss was talking to me and said “Good luck on your journey”.

I am thankful that everything went smoothly. Even the prep was not as terrible as everyone had made me believe. I was thankful to my Goddesses and Gods for it all.

My Aug photo challenge is going well. I’ve had two people who have played along, and I have loved seeing their photos. Feel free to jump in if you wish!

I did a simple ritual on Lughnasadh last weekend. My group will be getting together next week to do ours. Sometimes these things happen late with scheduling. I will be happy to spend some time in their company and build our community. I sat out on my deck surrounded by my plants in the morning light. I prayed, did a little magick and shook my rattle a bit to create sacred sounds.

Outdoors-ritIt was simple and lovely. Sitting down on the deck makes you feel like you are in a miniature forest.

Good things continue to come and I am happy to see all sorts of plans come together.

 

 

Working through the worries

Sometimes it is so difficult to find the right words. I talk about gratitude often, and how even in the strange moments or the scary moments I try to find something to be grateful for. I’m having one of those moments. Next week I have to go to the hospital and have a “procedure” which is just a delicate way of saying they want to poke and prod me and test my insides. I have been trying to decide how I feel about the whole thing.

On one hand I always knew this was in the cards. My family does not have the most healthy background and since my 20’s my dr has always been honest with me about how when I started getting older I would have to be tested. On the other hand you never think you are “old enough” to have to undergo all the things you have to do.

I am grateful for the fact that I have good insurance and it will cover the cost of the whole thing. I am grateful that my dr has explained they aren’t worried, that the symptoms and changes in my body could be from anything. We are just doing it to be “better safe then sorry”. It makes me less nervous about the whole thing.

Of course, my brain has also gone to the realm of “what if”. It’s not the most positive place. What if they find something? What if something is wrong? I do my best to steer it back with thoughts like “I am young, and healthy. If they find something now we can deal with it and move on with life.”

So I have those moments and allow them for a few moments. After all it is normal to worry. I just don’t let it take root and become something nasty. Then it is back to focusing on the now and enjoying life.

So the hubby and I have figured out the prep I have to do. We’ve planned what I’ll be eating. We’ve let the wee one know that next time she comes I might be more tired because I have to see the dr and it might wear me out. We assured her that I’ll be ok, just a bit tired.

I’ve been making sure to pray and connect to the Divine. I’ve been filling my body with energy so that I can be gentle on myself. I don’t let myself dwell on the scary words. When I get nervous I let myself breathe and remind myself I have lived through many things, and this is just one more moment to work through. When the hubby gets nervous and holds me a little too tight I give him a kiss and remind him that we’ll be ok.

I take time to be thankful. I know a lot of people don’t believe in positive thinking, but when I look back at my life I know that it has helped me through a lot of crazy things. So I fill myself with love and joy and reach out to my faith. I laugh and cuddle my hubby. I put my gratitude thoughts in the gratitude jar. I know I’ll be ok. It’s just getting to that moment and through it that makes me nervous.

I have faith. It fills me with white light and sparkles. It gives me strength. The Lady walks with me and I know when I need to I can lean. I have hope for the future and all the good things that are coming our way.