Full moon dreams

As a new mom there isn’t a lot of sleep in my world. I suppose I am luckier than others, my son will sleep for large chunks, but it took us a year to get there. As someone who is an active dreamer, it has been very strange to have no dreams for a year.

The past few months they have been coming back. First, they came back with the stress dreams and nightmares that I think all new moms have. Now I am starting to have my normal strange dreams, the magic dreams and the silly dreams. Full moon through the leaves

Last night was magic. In my dream….. 

I walked out of a forest path to find myself on a sandy beach in a cove. The moon was shining high in the sky and it was all quiet. In the shallows I could see symbols stamped into the sand. I stood there and stretched my arms high above my head and soaked in the moonlight.

A noise brought my eyes to the shore across the cove where a baby bear came wandering out. Shortly after that, mama bear came out to stand on the beach. I stood there watching them and then reached for my phone to snap a photograph. As I zoomed in on the baby bear, a young wolf cub came out of the forest and began to play with the bear cub. At that point my dream brain thought “Hmm, maybe I should leave so that the mama animals don’t get angry with me.” That woke me enough that the dream shifted and I lost the sense of magic and instead had the sense of anxiety of getting away from the wild animals.

Both bear and wolf have meaning to me so I will meditate on the messages from them. I also remember the symbols I saw and will add that into the mix to see what the Goddess was sending me. I am dealing with a lot of change in my life, I know my stress and anxiety have been starting to climb, so it was really refreshing to have such a calm and meaningful dream.

I had tried to do a little spiritual work before bed, but I was so worn thin. The Goddess whispered in my ear “Go rest now” and I am glad I listened. The dream stayed with me and I can still feel the sense of relaxation. Have you ever had a dream that stuck with you like that? That was so calm and so perfectly normal, yet magickal?

I hope everyone had a magickal full moon and that you got what you needed from it.

 

 

 

 

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Taking the plunge

I’ve been running New Moon circles for the past few months. They have been small and intimate and I’m enjoying my time in circle with friends. Last month and this month life has gotten in the way so we didn’t do them, but we still managed to connect at Beltane.

Community starts small in my mind. It is a seed that needs to be tended. I’ve heard others complain when an event only has 3 people show up.  I would celebrate that 3 people did show up and enjoy the smaller group energy. Yes, larger groups bring more energy, but with them is a bit more chaos as well. I’m happy to start small.

I made a decision to run my Wicca 101 again over the summer and to do online content as well as in person. I worry that I won’t be able to deliver my content in the way I want, but I am willing to try. Otherwise it won’t ever happen.

Last week I had a dream. In it I was in a large swimming pool with several other ladies. Most of these were ladies I follow on Instagram. We were doing some sort of exercise and the person I was paired up with suddenly opened up and began to release all their fears and worries. I witnessed it for them and guided them through. Someone else swam by and asked what we were doing and I said “We’re releasing burdens” Once we were done I swam away from the group and stared down the length of the pool. I began to swim. I didn’t quite put my face in the water, but then I told myself to get over the fear and just go in. I took a deep breath and submerged myself.

I floated down to the bottom of the pool where I crossed my legs and sat in the silence. I was held in the embrace of the water, my hair floating around me.  While there I began to speak to the Goddess and  I ran through an initiation to re-initiate and re-take my vows as a 3rd degree priestess. (I hold my third in my old coven) I then came up for air and the group was standing there in the water waiting for me. There was a sense of calmness, joy and belonging.

I’m holding onto that and as we are about to hit the New Moon I am ready to start my projects and get organized. My notes are coming together and I hope to start my filming next week. Here we go, into the water.

 

Goddess Dreams

Last week there wasn’t much sleep, but I did manage to have one interesting dream.

In the dream I was waiting in line in a public restroom. There were two ladies ahead of me and they were having a very detailed discussion about a life sized statue or something that they were trying to create of the Goddess Inanna. I listened in for a few moments and then broke into the conversation.

I told them how amazed I was to hear other people speaking of pagan things in public and how alone I had felt. They told me that there were more of us around then I realized and I had more support then I knew.

Then they instructed me to make 2 necklaces. One of red beads and one of white. I can’t remember why I was supposed to make the necklaces, but I could visualize them. So I suppose I’ll have to be on the look out for the correct beads.

It was interesting to me that it was Inanna. I have had very little contact with her, but the contact I have had was through a friend who is a super mom. I suppose that might be where the connection is coming through. While I wish to be as fierce and strong as she is, I know I’m going to do it in a different way. And that is ok.

 

Busy times.

Its June! What? This year is flying by. I know many people have been having issues with Mercury, but I have not really had any huge problems. The first day with it and the dark moon and it being Monday I was a bit out of sorts, but I found my stride. I made sure to take some time for myself, and I did some meditating and tried to just relax. It worked out for me.

This week I am taking care of me. The hubby and I are doing our reset diet for a week. No wheat,no dairy, no corn, no caffeine, no refined sugars. Lots of fruit, veggies, and healthy fats and protein. We even started doing our weight lifting again. I know I am going to feel fabulous next Monday.  This will help us break the habit of the candy and pop and eating out that had been sneaking back in.

I am also doing the Colour Run soon and while I am just walking with friends, it will be good to be out and moving and having fun.

This weekend will be busy. I am going to hang out with some pagans on Friday and then again on Saturday as my coven gets together to really hammer through an agenda. Soon I can hopefully share news about the new tradition we will build. I’m excited to have this time to sit down with my group and go over the things that we think are important.

I also have my 101 class starting next week. I’m looking forward to it and getting a chance to spend time in circle with some new people. I just have to make sure to give the house a good clean this weekend! I think having the class on Mondays now helps with that. We aren’t slobs, but over the week with as busy as we are, sometimes things fall apart a bit.

I’ve slowed down a bit on my crafting, but only because I have run low on supplies and haven’t had a chance to get out to get more. I am feeling pretty good about how productive I am. I really can’t wait for a few nice days so that we can get in our garage and clean and organize.

We have lots of plans for the summer and fall. Every time I open my day planner and have to flip ahead I am amazed at how soon everything is.

I had some crazy dreams last night. At one point there was an Orca stalking my boat that then jumped in the boat. It had a toothbrush stuck in its gums, so I helped fish that out. Dream brain… what are you up too? I do have a dentist appointment this week so maybe its some weird thing about that. Ha. My other dreams revolved around me living somewhere else in another time and dating my husband. My mind is sometimes very odd and other times it is so normal.

Happy June!

Paper Journals

I have kept a diary since I was in grade 4. I still have them all too. Sometimes I poke through them and giggle and young me. Sometimes I cringe and sometimes I sigh or cry. I have always journaled in some way. When the internet became a thing (yes, I am that old) I started this fancy online thing called a blog at Livejournal. And from there it carried on. Over time I lost touch with my paper journal.

I still had one, but there were often very long gaps between each entry. Gaps that spanned years. Sometimes I would forget I had one and start a new one.

The other day I read this post about keeping a journal magically. It reminded me of all my paper journals. I do have magickal journals as well as regular old diary types. When I was a young witch it was all binders. I have 5 or so of them filled with my thoughts, rituals I had written, rituals I had taken part in, newspaper articles about Wicca, dreams I had, tarot readings I received… all sorts of things. Unlike the BOS in the post Thorn talks about I had actually filled my pages with my thoughts and magickal attempts.

I slowly moved on from the binders. I got books with fancy covers. I got plain books. I was gifted books to use. Every so often I would think about moving all the things from those binders into a more permanent book, but at the same time I find a charm in seeing my old style of writing. And it would take years to do that and I would then miss out on anything I wanted to write now.

Currently, I have a journal devoted to my dreams, astral wanderings and any meditations. I have another one that I try to update with things I do on or around the Sabbats, the moons and any other special occasion. I have another one that I have slowly begun to write out my traditions history and things in.

What I have stopped doing is my personal diary writing. My everyday thoughts and everyday life is just as important as my dreams and rituals. I’m a scrapbooker. I love to document everything, and yet I had stopped. The last time I wrote in my diary was 2 years ago.

So after reading Thorn’s blog post I dug out my diary. I’ve put it in my bag and I hope to start writing in it every morning. I think that this will also kick-start me into keeping up with my other journals as well. I also think it is healthy to vent my feelings and get my thoughts down in a private place. And it will also help me keep track of things that are happening so when I sit down to scrapbook I will be able to pull it up and remember what events happened when.

Do you journal? What kind do you do?

Skulls, dreams and Wiccans

My in-laws found a beaver skull in the garage when cleaning out the hubbies grandma’s house. Immediately, they called and asked if I wanted it. I am not sure what I will do with it, but I said yes.

Being a Canadian, Beaver has symbolism to me. Spiritually though I have never worked with the animal. That may change, or this may just be something I keep as a reminder of home. Only time will tell.

skull1skull2It is beautiful. We will never know where it came from or how long it was there in the garage. For now it has a special place on my bookshelf while I ponder what I want to do with it.

I’ve been dreaming of magick again. I can feel bits and pieces of the dream, but they have faded away when the alarm goes off. I have not been sleeping well lately. My Fitbit lets me know I’ve been restless and I imagine that my dream self has been busy. I’ve been sick off and on again too. I was poking through my timehop app and realized that certain times of the year are just my sick times. I am grateful that I only get sick like once a month now, while in the past it was constant and went on for weeks and weeks. Exercise and lots of good food has helped with that.

I read something that made me sad earlier. It was yet another rant about Wiccans, by a fellow pagan. I understand why people rant. I know my faith is full of obnoxious people or overly out there people, but there are also some of us who are pretty normal. I get a bit tired of defending my faith, but I suspect that will never end. It doesn’t matter who or what, someone somewhere always has a bee in their bonnet about the way someone else practices their faith.

We all know I am pretty positive. That doesn’t mean I ignore the darkness. For those who know me well, know all about the demons I have faced, the shadows I have lived through and the shade of my belief system. I am positive because I want to be. Not because I am some sort of fluff monster, but because it makes me feel good to be full of joy and to look on the bright side of things. I can stare into the darkness and face the shadows. I’ve done it a good chunk of my life. I like balance. I’m not afraid to be angry and brood or be sad or to be joyful and silly. I follow my heart and do my best to keep myself balanced out.

Does that mean my faith is just about the light? No. I tend to not talk about the grittier parts of my practice here anymore. That is a choice I made due to circumstances in my life. I have other people in my life now and things I say and do publicly can cause them stress. So, I pick what I share here. If people are judging me based on my blog posts alone then they don’t actually know me at all.

I don’t teach the 3 Fold Law or the “harm none” rhyme.  I think it is a nice little thing to think about and it looks so pretty on paper, but I don’t think my life needs to revolve around it. I have the heart of a warrior and a protector. My mama bear rage is amazing. If something needs to be dealt with, it will be dealt with. I don’t judge people for not following it, I don’t judge others for following it. Walk your path and do it your way, but don’t force others to walk the way you want them to walk.

I get judged enough by the Christians. I don’t really need to be judged by pagans too simply because I call myself Wiccan. Like all things, my flavour of Wicca is not the same as many other people. Every so often I ponder letting go of the term. I call myself a Witch as well and my personal practice outside my group is a very eclectic witchy/pagany/I don’t know what mix. But then I think “Why should I allow the people judging me define who and what I am?” So I carry on with calling myself Wiccan.

For now I continue to use the term. My coven is Wiccan, my trad is Wiccan, my personal practice a mix of things. I’ll be me and do my best to ignore those who are judging me.

Meditation: Jan 31 2015 and musings.

I’ve been pondering a dream I had about a White Cobra that was a guardian of a mountain.  Cobras and snakes are often in my meditations and are one of my spirit animals. Those who have been following me for awhile may remember me researching winged cobras. I had one that was around for awhile, and I think it was Wadjet, but its hard to know.

So I had several people offer suggestions on the White Cobra and I have let it simmer in my mind. Last night I meditated as I drifted off to sleep. Tonight I dug back through my dream and journey diary and some threads are starting to maybe come together.

First though, last nights meditation.

I was about to head into my astral temple when Freyja stopped me. She handed me something that I thought was a staff, but then as she walked away I looked down and realized it was a gigantic skeleton key. I examined it but was unsure why she gave it to me. I took it with me into my space and hung it off a branch of a tree.

One of my snakes that guards the tree slithered out to examine it. The snake was long, white, with yellow markings. It wrapped around the key and proceeded to have a nap.

I sensed something behind me and turned to find a cow munching on some grass. I stared at it and headed towards it quietly. I reached out to touch the large curved horns on its head and pricked my finger on the tip of the horn. Some of my blood ran down the horn and I took my finger back. The cow continued to eat the grass.

I turned and saw that the grass was all turning to sand. I walked over to a round disk and said I would allow myself to be moved if this space prevented a discussion. I was moved to a desert. There was nothing around and the wind was blowing. A storm was coming up. I knew I would be buried alive by the sand, but I was not worried. I lay back and let it happen. I know that sometimes we must let go. As the sand buried me I fell through it and appeared in a black pyramid. The stones were dark, there was no real light.

I could see a long tunnel leading out of the center room, and could only catch glimpses of images on the walls. A voice echoed through the room saying one word. “Child”. I called out asking for some sort of hint as to who it was. A throne appeared with a dark figure on it. The head was a male lion, but then the mouth opened and the lion vanished and a different head came forth. Before I could figure out what the head was I was woken up.

Today I flipped through my journal.

The cow has appeared in my space before, but I had no interaction with it. I know lions have made appearances along with bone monkies and alligators/crocs. I had a dream before of getting a skeleton key tattoo on my back with a rose. Bast and Freyja have often appeared as I work with them. Cats of all types, panthers, tigers, kittens… and then all the snakes. Cobras, pythons… regular snakes… Once, and only once did Set appear in a dream. He used me with permission of Bast to pass on a message to someone I knew.

I don’t know what any of it means, but I will continue to ponder. I am often doing magick of some sort in my dreams, spells to protect, spells to heal, all sorts of spells. I am often battling things or tsunamis and twisters are involved. I think I will have to get more specific and ask for clarification before I sleep. For now I am going to pull out the Book of Doors and pull a card or two.

So, the first card that half fell out and thus needed to be pulled is Udjit ( Ta, #3). Snakes. Second card, Apet (Aah, #2). Hippopotamus, with a croc/alligator on her back. Kekiu (TEpli-Aui-Un #5) Frogs.

I’m open to thoughts.