Samhain prep

Samhain is just around the corner. I feel a bit unprepared. October is always a month where I go inwards, but this month it feels like there has been more reflection than usual. My boss has asked if I am ok and I explained I am really deep this month. Part of that is probably the lack of sleep, but I think with so much going on in the world my brain needed a vacation to process.

I have managed to get a few things in order, I’ve made eye appointments, dentist appointments and even booked a self-care day off. My creativity has been ramping up, but I haven’t had the energy to actually put those ideas into motion. This month has been about planning and plotting.

I did get a few items crafted for the store on the weekend and I got some more Halloween costume bits finished.

I will have ornaments posted in the store starting in November. I hope people enjoy them. felt owl ornaments I also have a Halloween sale on the Little Familiars in the shop. Starting today through Sunday they will be 15% off.  If you have had your eye on one, now is the time to grab it!

I hope to get the house cleaned up and organized this week, we plan to move our desk into another room and then maybe we will have a writing space again.

With a little one Halloween will be busy. There are a few things I will still take care of on the 31st, but we will do our ancestor meal and any family Samhain celebrations on November 1st. This will give me two days to do family and spiritual things. I think this blend will also make sure I can enjoy it all and not feel rushed.

Once the little one is in bed on the 31st, I will redo our house wards. I actually go out and walk our property and smudge and cleanse it. Then I will go to each area and redo the ward for it. I will also leave an offering out for the spirits of the land in thanks for their protection.

I always have an ancestor altar set up and then on November 1st we will have a meal and set a place for the ancestors. I still have to figure out what we will do for our meal, but I have a feeling it will be a stuffed squash.  Samhain is also when I will banish the things I want to remove from my life and do work to bring in new energy and ideas for the coming year.

And on the 31st I will bring in my oracle cards to work. Everyone likes to pull a card and talk about it all day. At home I will do my own tarot and oracle readings to see what is coming this winter. altar with oracle cards

What is your plan for Samhain? Do you celebrate on October 31st or November 1st? Do you have family traditions you follow? Let me know in the comments, I would love to hear from you!

 

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#metoo

Tarot cards

Trigger Warning: This post will discuss sexual assault and sexual harassment.

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I have been honest in the past on this blog about some of the things I went through as a child. Many people in my life and long time readers know I was molested as a child and that I also witnessed abuse when I was a very young child. I have been honest about going to therapy and how I dealt with these traumas because I feel it is important for other people to know they are not alone in what they go through.

I know that the things I lived through and witnessed were terrible. By the time I was 6 I had already witnessed physical and sexual abuse as well as verbal abuse. My earliest memories are of scary things and people I love crying and being hurt.

At an early age I was already forming my desire to support and care for people around me. I was already becoming the protector and warrior. I wanted nothing more than to keep my mom and my little sister safe, but at the age of 5 it is hard to do that.

Flash forward to later in life, I was assaulted by a family member. And as scary as it was, I still pulled myself together and went back into that room to protect the other little kids that were there too.

That person died several years ago. I won’t lie, I hope he burns in agony for eternity. His name is not uttered by me, he is not remembered on the family altar at Samhain and I have take steps to put up protective wards to keep his spirit (if its lingering) away from my loved ones and myself. That asshole can turn to dust and worm food.

Now those things were horrific, I know that and people are always very supportive. The problem is, this world is toxic and other sneaky things happen to females all over the world. Things that people brush off. Things that aren’t considered “bad”. Part of the #metoo talked about harassment. I think people forget how damaging it can be, because, “nothing really happens to you”.

I hit puberty early. I remember my step-dad’s best friend calling me Dolly Parton and making comments about my budding breasts. At the time it was just a “funny” joke, but now I think “Why were you sexualizing a 9  year old?”

In grade 5 kids followed me home yelling at me that I was a slut and a whore. Why? because a boy had said he liked me. Somehow that meant I was to blame.

In grade 8 I had a man who was old enough to be my grandpa, drive around the block to drive past me again and hang out his window yelling about how yummy I looked and what he would like to do to me.

In grade 9 I had a boy push me down, yank my pants down and try to rape me. Thankfully, he got so over excited he came all over himself rather than hurting me, but it was a shaming experience and also a very scary one. At the time I was so shocked I didn’t even know how to react. A few years later when I saw him again and we were talking I brought it up and he was shocked that I thought he was trying to “rape me”. He thought he had loved me so obviously he didn’t think it was rape.

In grade 9 a group of us went to the school counselor to discuss how inappropriate we thought our male gym teachers behaviour was. He would come into the locker room to yell at us while we were changing, and he often stared at us in weird ways, made us feel uncomfortable and was a little touchy feely. The counselor asked us if we were really sure anything bad was happening, because allegations like this could ruin a person’s life. After some discussion we decided to drop it. I don’t even think anything was done to look into our concerns.

Things like this over and over in my life and in the lives of millions of females teach us that our voice doesn’t matter. I can dig up many more examples as I get older of things said and done that were harassment, but I won’t.

As I am raising a little boy, I think about what we say and do and how it will influence him. My husband and I had a good discussion last night about the little things that we do and say that are misogynistic. He was open to talking about it and we are going to continue to work on these things to help get rid of those tiny little toxic things that can lead to bigger problems. My husband is not a misogynist, but as a white man in this world he knows he has things to work on. Things that the culture say are “ok” even if they aren’t. I appreciate that he is willing to have these hard conversations with me and wants to make the world a better place for our kids.

We have some hard days ahead as we look at our words and our actions. There will be moments of frustration and anger, but it will be worth it to do the work. As I stare at my precious son I know it will be worth it. Guiding him to be the wonderful person I know he can be will always be worth it.

As hard as it is to write about these things, I am healed enough that I can talk about them.  Not everyone can. Not every person can share their story, or even write metoo. Not every person wants to talk about it. That is their choice, and I support them in it. For those of you who are out there dealing with anything.  I am here for you. I support you. I believe you.

 

 

 

 

Goddess Provisions Box – Review

Its been a rough couple of months for me. Work has been insane, we’ve been dealing with some family stuff, I’ve had little down time and I am worn out.

So I saved up some of my money over the course of a few months, and treated myself to the Goddess Provisions Box.  It is very rare I actually purchase something for myself, so I went back and forth over whether or not I should buy it. I’d read some reviews online, checked out what was in past boxes and I felt it was worth the price. Here is my honest review.

I was a little nervous, you never know what you will get, but I decided October would be a good month. Goddess Provisions does sneak peeks on Instagram and I’ve been trying to scroll past them so I could be surprised. One day in my scrolling I saw a bracelet that I fell in love with. I stopped, checked the account and then realized it was coming in my box! Yes!

The box arrived on Thursday. It was a small box, but it is packaged well. The theme was “Under the Moonlight”

Goddess Provisions Box

Inside was the following: A crystal, the bracelet, solid perfume, sleep drops, a patch that says “Lucid Dreamer”, a package of bath salts for aiding sleep, and some chocolate.

Now, I am someone who has no sleep issues. My tired comes from being a mom. I can put my head on my pillow and be out in 2 minutes easily, it is rare I have sleep problems. My husband though, he is an insomniac. So the sleep aids will be going to him. I’ll let you know if they help!

Items in box

The patch is nice, I’m just not sure what I will do with it yet. The stone is a good size, it is a piece of Rhondonite. It is said to help with healing past traumas and is good for the heart chakra.

I am not a big scent wearer, so I am not sure about perfume, but I will give it a go. It is solid perfume, I may find that easier to control the amount going on me. It smells nice, so maybe I will learn to wear it when I need a boost.

And the bracelet, well I love it! I may wear it every day. I was surprised at how tiny it is, but that made me happy because I have mini wrists. It is bendy – so you can resize it.

I am sure the chocolate will be delicious, but I am going to wait on eating it until closer to my period. Maybe. We’ll see. Ha!

chocolate and perfume in box

I feel like I got my money’s worth out of it. In the future if I feel I can splurge on myself, I will order another one. I’m glad I can share some of the items with my husband.

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Money Magick

Sometimes life is tough. This world runs on money and there are times when that is in short supply. I know we are more blessed then some. We both have full-time jobs, and while my husband’s job isn’t great, I at least make a decent amount and have wonderful health insurance. Not everyone is that lucky.

Still, we live paycheque to paycheque. I have student loans in Canada to still pay, and while some say “But you don’t live there anymore, why do you care?” I care because it is my debt and because the person who is a co-signer on that loan still lives there. It would really screw them up if I suddenly stopped paying it.  So every month we scrimp together some cash to pay that bill along with all the other bills.

Daycare and diapers adds up. We have other debts out there that we are still trying to figure out how to pay. Yet, when I start to really feel like things are going to be terrible the Goddess gives me a little hope. Someone will buy another tarot reading. Someone will purchase a custom. All the money I make in my store I use towards my Canadian bill. That means we have a bit more cash here for something else.

The kindness of others also goes a long way. When I had to rush home to see my family because of a medical issue I was super stressed. I asked for guidance and the Goddess and God helped me find a super cheap flight. Then, out of the blue I was gifted a cheque in the amount of my flight. People around me care. They see the struggle and did what they could to help. I was told it was in appreciation of all I do for them all. Community is a thing of beauty. It doesn’t matter what faith you are, compassion is a language everyone knows. I won’t lie, they made me cry.

Prayers are wonderful, when community can help it is great,  but sometimes we need to do a little extra work ourselves.

On that note I thought I would share a bit of magick…

If you have time to let a spell slowly build, then I always start any magick on the Dark Moon. As the moon grows to full, the spell builds up. Then by the Full Moon it has usually come to fruition.

I add cinnamon to my spells to give it a little extra kick. Cinnamon is also seen as a spice that brings in money so that also helps.

When I see a coin on the sidewalk I pick it up. This is a tiny gift from the universe, accept it. Every bit can help.

Create a spell trigger. Make up a mantra, phrase or something else that will remind you of your spell. Then write it out and put it somewhere you will see it. Or create a phrase you can use as a password and change that so every time you type it in you are putting more energy out there. Set alarms and when they go off, repeat your mantra or think about the spell.

Use your daily journal as another way to add energy. Write out your goals, write your mantra, and visualize the success of your spell as you do this.

Remember to take a moment. Thank the Gods for what they have helped provide to you. Think about the blessings you have. Sometimes we get so lost in what we need we forget to pause and enjoy what we have.

Best of luck! I’d love to hear any little things you do to try to bring in money magick!

Take back the fierceness

I’ve been following the social media accounts of many strong women. They are inspiring, so much passion and fierceness. Sometimes I think “I used to be like that, what happened?” After much pondering I’ve decided I don’t want to say that anymore. I’ve decided to take back my fierceness.

I know part of it was age. As I got older I lost a bit of fire. And that was good. I used to have a bit too much passion and it was an out of control wildfire. I wouldn’t take the time to actually think through what was coming out of my mouth, I didn’t do my research fully, and I let mama bear drive my emotions. I slowed down in my late 20s- 30s and got my emotional feet under me. I am happy with that change.

The other part was dealing with the judgement and discrimination when I moved to the USA. Suddenly, I was considered too inappropriate, too loud, too strange, I showed too much skin, I  had crazy hair… so many things. I let it wear me down. Part of that was my stubborn nature, I was like “Well fine, I’ll be boring” but I got over that. Part of it was dealing with a totally different community than I was used to. I am someone who adapts, so I tried to blend in more to the people I was meeting. The midwest is more conservative than the west coast and so some of my flamboyant nature was stamped down.

I was put through an emotional trial with some stuff that went on in our life. I struggled to fit in, I let fear run my brain with all this crazy immigration shit and politics.

A month ago I had a realization. I’m never going to fully fit in with the pagan community here. I come from different roots and I am tired of trying to find my tribe. I’m at a point in my life where I know what is important to me. I know how I like to worship.  I’ve been walking this religious path for over 22 years. I don’t need a group to validate me.

That realization was freeing. Along with that I realized I need to go back to my fierceness for my family. I need to be strong and powerful to teach my son how to exist in this fucked up world. I need to go back to being the crazy soul who dances in the grocery store. I need to show him how to live life with passion and joy. That means I need to get back to my roots to be me fully.

I am embracing my nature. I am one of those super positive people who believes in other people. I am a cheerleader. I like to support others. I know that in the world today people like me are  thought to be too fake, there is a mindset that we are only pretending to be supportive so that we can look good. This isn’t true. I really am a person who likes to lift others up. I enjoy saying “yes, you are awesome! you are beautiful!” The problem is, I get drained. People will use me up to feel good and then toss me aside.

So I have learned to put limits on my support. I need to take care of me as well.  Now I’m going to say “Hey, I need my own time and space.”  When I can, I’ll be back to support in ways that don’t drain me dry.

I also used to post about all sorts of magick, meditations, dreams and the awesome spiritual stuff I was going through. I had to stop because of some “life stuff”, but I think I am finally at a point where I can bring back some of that without it causing headaches for my family. I am pickier about what I share now, so I doubt it will be as deep as it used to be, but there might be more actual witchcraft posted here again. Crazy, I know!

I am probably going to give up on the small circles I was trying to create. I don’t have the energy or time to run a group or host space for others. I am going to go deep into my own practice. I will offer support through social media for people who need it by sharing rituals or ideas that others may find useful. I will be there to bounce ideas off of, I may continue to teach my 101 online when I have the desire to do so. When it fits my schedule I will try to get out to group stuff so I can connect, but I am not going to stress over it anymore.

My fierceness will come through in many different ways. The biggest way will be doing what I  want and taking care of myself. I know that the idea of self love and care can be a weird topic for many. I’m going to own it and be me. Cause, I fucking love who I am. That statement alone is a revolution in this world. Time to be me. Take it or leave it world. I don’t need your validation or permission.

The season of the witch is here. I’m going to own it.

 

 

 

 

Equinox recap

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! As I noted before I knew we were going to have a quiet one. WI is having a heat wave so I only left the house if it was necessary.

Once I got home from work on Friday I did a bit of decorating and then once the baby was in bed I went down to my temple space and celebrated. I kept it simple, I wrote out things I was grateful for, put out offerings, and did a bit of tarot work.

Blessings of the Equinox. I hope you all had a beautiful and magickal day. 🍁🔮🍂

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Saturday morning the little dude and I were off to a play date and then home again before it got super hot and humid out. I felt bad that we couldn’t be outside, but we had a lot of fun playing. In the afternoon I started making the soup that would be our Equinox meal. I could have done it for Friday, but I was so tired from the heat and work that I decided to wait. The soup was actually much easier to make then I thought it would be and was delicious.

I managed to make another stuffie for the shop and finished up 2 I had been working on. You will see them all soon! Check out my instagram feed for sneak peeks.

We snuck outside in the morning on Sunday before it got too hot and played in the yard. Our giant sunflowers are making seeds! We can’t wait to harvest them all. We had so much fun growing them this year. Next year we may do more. Hopefully once the weather cools down we’ll get out to the garden to do some work. It is in need of some weeding and I have to start to prep for the winter.

What sort of fun did you have this weekend?