It was a crazy week and so I didn’t get a chance to write as much as I had planned. That is how it goes sometimes. I have next week’s prompts ready to go and hopefully I will be more on the ball with them.
I have learned over the past 3 years that it is incredibly difficult to feel connected to something when you are far away. It is more difficult when you feel your voice is not heard. I was pretty lucky in that my coven did their best to stay connected. We had Skype rituals, we emailed, we had our own FB group to share things. This helped. I felt like part of the circle still, and my initiates got a chance to “meet” the other people in our circle.
In a small group that works. In the larger sense of a tradition though, you often feel lost and out-of-place when you are not there to be visible. How do you feel united when you are not there to be part of something? How do you connect with several other groups who often are very quiet and don’t reach out from their own coven borders? It is difficult. And over time it just becomes the norm not to know those people.
It is sad. I sometimes wonder how larger traditions with groups all over various places do it. Newsletters I suppose help, email lists that are active and full of chatter would help too. Chances to bring everyone together also help. Or do their Tradition Leaders know that once the groups are outside city borders you have to let them go and begin their own thing?
So a choice had to be made. I have been waffling back and forth, back and forth. The cards kept throwing down the Magician. I kept saying “I don’t know what this means” And then suddenly things all became clear.
So now here I am at the other end of it full of conflicting feelings. On one hand I am excited by possibilities. Excited at what I can build. On the other hand I am feeling lost and worried that I will lose friends. Sad to no longer be part of something that I spent years and years being part of. It is complicated.
So here I am preparing to build my own tradition. Preparing to grow my coven and have a spiritual life. Preparing for the moments of “WTF am I doing??” and the moments of “Wow this is awesome”.
I have 18+ years of learning and training. I have 15+ years of being part of a traditional circle. I have 17+ years of being eclectic and trying new things. I have all these years of bonding the 2 and making my personal practice work while leading and being part of a tradition. I know I can do this.
Finding others who want to come along for the ride will be interesting, but I trust in my faith and my abilities. So I guess we will see where it takes me.