Apparently I am chatty today.
I was sitting here playing video games, zenning out and started thinking. People who don’t play video games might not realize how meditative they can be, but I find if I am doing something repetitive I can zone out and part of my brain can pull things apart and put it back together. Apparently doing a quest for the millionth time on an alt lets me do this.
As I said in my last post, I’ve been thinking about magick. Spell work is something I was never big into, I saw no need for it. My faith is based on prayer, ritual, meditation and connection. I didn’t do a lot of spell work because I am the kind of person who gets stupidly stubborn and wants to know I did something on my own two feet.
The past few years were hard. Many times someone would suggest I do a spell to help out and I was always like “Oh yea, maybe” and then didn’t. Eventually, I started to slowly do more spell work. I was always surprised when it seemed to help. I suppose in a way some spells are like prayer. You can ask for help, but you still have to do the work yourself. I started to relax my thoughts on spells, I may have done a spell for X but I was still going out and putting tons of energy and effort in.
I started to realize it was still doing something on my own, I was just asking for a little help when necessary. And that isn’t terrible. Yes, it did take me many years to get to that point. Sometimes the stubborn mind is ridiculous.
I was starting to get more intense in my work and check out other paths. Then I moved and many things changed in my life. Magick and rituals went on the back burner as I settled into my new world.
Then last year I merged with one of my power animals. It was powerful, out of the blue and made me realize that perhaps Freyja’s previous visit hadn’t been just a random thing. Since then my dreams and astral encounters have changed. I’m not sure if the Ladies realized I needed more of a nudge or if this was just an easier way to teach me and work with me. I’m not sure if Freyja is here to help teach or if She’s in for the long run. I know Bast has no issue with Her so everything has been ok on that end.
My dreams for the last year and a half have been full of me fighting. I tend to always have vivid dreams, but these have been over the top. I’ve been faced with crazy situations over and over and have had to rely on magick to help me out. Magick was at my finger tips and I had to learn how to use it. Some spells came into my head easily, others I had to make up on the run, but the theme throughout most of the dreams has been about me using magick.
I think that maybe I’m finally getting the clue. Hello cosmic 2×4.
About 6 months ago I was all “Ok I’ll start learning more” and then…got distracted. The dreams intensified. Little things have come into my life, nudges here and there. So I am finally getting more serious. I’ve tried to spend more time learning, but the winter has sucked some energy out of me. As spring starts to come I am spending more time reading, meditating and popping into the astral. Ideas keep floating in my head and once I find the right one I’ll know which path I am taking.
I’ve flipped through the dream journal a few times and I’m starting to think I should make notes on the rituals and spells I have been using in dreams. I don’t know if I can remember all the details, but certain things have stuck with me.
For now, I spend time making notes, figuring things out and continuously being thrown in the deep end in dream land. Lessons have to be learned it seems.