#metoo

Tarot cards

Trigger Warning: This post will discuss sexual assault and sexual harassment.

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I have been honest in the past on this blog about some of the things I went through as a child. Many people in my life and long time readers know I was molested as a child and that I also witnessed abuse when I was a very young child. I have been honest about going to therapy and how I dealt with these traumas because I feel it is important for other people to know they are not alone in what they go through.

I know that the things I lived through and witnessed were terrible. By the time I was 6 I had already witnessed physical and sexual abuse as well as verbal abuse. My earliest memories are of scary things and people I love crying and being hurt.

At an early age I was already forming my desire to support and care for people around me. I was already becoming the protector and warrior. I wanted nothing more than to keep my mom and my little sister safe, but at the age of 5 it is hard to do that.

Flash forward to later in life, I was assaulted by a family member. And as scary as it was, I still pulled myself together and went back into that room to protect the other little kids that were there too.

That person died several years ago. I won’t lie, I hope he burns in agony for eternity. His name is not uttered by me, he is not remembered on the family altar at Samhain and I have take steps to put up protective wards to keep his spirit (if its lingering) away from my loved ones and myself. That asshole can turn to dust and worm food.

Now those things were horrific, I know that and people are always very supportive. The problem is, this world is toxic and other sneaky things happen to females all over the world. Things that people brush off. Things that aren’t considered “bad”. Part of the #metoo talked about harassment. I think people forget how damaging it can be, because, “nothing really happens to you”.

I hit puberty early. I remember my step-dad’s best friend calling me Dolly Parton and making comments about my budding breasts. At the time it was just a “funny” joke, but now I think “Why were you sexualizing a 9  year old?”

In grade 5 kids followed me home yelling at me that I was a slut and a whore. Why? because a boy had said he liked me. Somehow that meant I was to blame.

In grade 8 I had a man who was old enough to be my grandpa, drive around the block to drive past me again and hang out his window yelling about how yummy I looked and what he would like to do to me.

In grade 9 I had a boy push me down, yank my pants down and try to rape me. Thankfully, he got so over excited he came all over himself rather than hurting me, but it was a shaming experience and also a very scary one. At the time I was so shocked I didn’t even know how to react. A few years later when I saw him again and we were talking I brought it up and he was shocked that I thought he was trying to “rape me”. He thought he had loved me so obviously he didn’t think it was rape.

In grade 9 a group of us went to the school counselor to discuss how inappropriate we thought our male gym teachers behaviour was. He would come into the locker room to yell at us while we were changing, and he often stared at us in weird ways, made us feel uncomfortable and was a little touchy feely. The counselor asked us if we were really sure anything bad was happening, because allegations like this could ruin a person’s life. After some discussion we decided to drop it. I don’t even think anything was done to look into our concerns.

Things like this over and over in my life and in the lives of millions of females teach us that our voice doesn’t matter. I can dig up many more examples as I get older of things said and done that were harassment, but I won’t.

As I am raising a little boy, I think about what we say and do and how it will influence him. My husband and I had a good discussion last night about the little things that we do and say that are misogynistic. He was open to talking about it and we are going to continue to work on these things to help get rid of those tiny little toxic things that can lead to bigger problems. My husband is not a misogynist, but as a white man in this world he knows he has things to work on. Things that the culture say are “ok” even if they aren’t. I appreciate that he is willing to have these hard conversations with me and wants to make the world a better place for our kids.

We have some hard days ahead as we look at our words and our actions. There will be moments of frustration and anger, but it will be worth it to do the work. As I stare at my precious son I know it will be worth it. Guiding him to be the wonderful person I know he can be will always be worth it.

As hard as it is to write about these things, I am healed enough that I can talk about them.  Not everyone can. Not every person can share their story, or even write metoo. Not every person wants to talk about it. That is their choice, and I support them in it. For those of you who are out there dealing with anything.  I am here for you. I support you. I believe you.

 

 

 

 

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Goddess Provisions Box – Review

Its been a rough couple of months for me. Work has been insane, we’ve been dealing with some family stuff, I’ve had little down time and I am worn out.

So I saved up some of my money over the course of a few months, and treated myself to the Goddess Provisions Box.  It is very rare I actually purchase something for myself, so I went back and forth over whether or not I should buy it. I’d read some reviews online, checked out what was in past boxes and I felt it was worth the price. Here is my honest review.

I was a little nervous, you never know what you will get, but I decided October would be a good month. Goddess Provisions does sneak peeks on Instagram and I’ve been trying to scroll past them so I could be surprised. One day in my scrolling I saw a bracelet that I fell in love with. I stopped, checked the account and then realized it was coming in my box! Yes!

The box arrived on Thursday. It was a small box, but it is packaged well. The theme was “Under the Moonlight”

Goddess Provisions Box

Inside was the following: A crystal, the bracelet, solid perfume, sleep drops, a patch that says “Lucid Dreamer”, a package of bath salts for aiding sleep, and some chocolate.

Now, I am someone who has no sleep issues. My tired comes from being a mom. I can put my head on my pillow and be out in 2 minutes easily, it is rare I have sleep problems. My husband though, he is an insomniac. So the sleep aids will be going to him. I’ll let you know if they help!

Items in box

The patch is nice, I’m just not sure what I will do with it yet. The stone is a good size, it is a piece of Rhondonite. It is said to help with healing past traumas and is good for the heart chakra.

I am not a big scent wearer, so I am not sure about perfume, but I will give it a go. It is solid perfume, I may find that easier to control the amount going on me. It smells nice, so maybe I will learn to wear it when I need a boost.

And the bracelet, well I love it! I may wear it every day. I was surprised at how tiny it is, but that made me happy because I have mini wrists. It is bendy – so you can resize it.

I am sure the chocolate will be delicious, but I am going to wait on eating it until closer to my period. Maybe. We’ll see. Ha!

chocolate and perfume in box

I feel like I got my money’s worth out of it. In the future if I feel I can splurge on myself, I will order another one. I’m glad I can share some of the items with my husband.

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Money Magick

Sometimes life is tough. This world runs on money and there are times when that is in short supply. I know we are more blessed then some. We both have full-time jobs, and while my husband’s job isn’t great, I at least make a decent amount and have wonderful health insurance. Not everyone is that lucky.

Still, we live paycheque to paycheque. I have student loans in Canada to still pay, and while some say “But you don’t live there anymore, why do you care?” I care because it is my debt and because the person who is a co-signer on that loan still lives there. It would really screw them up if I suddenly stopped paying it.  So every month we scrimp together some cash to pay that bill along with all the other bills.

Daycare and diapers adds up. We have other debts out there that we are still trying to figure out how to pay. Yet, when I start to really feel like things are going to be terrible the Goddess gives me a little hope. Someone will buy another tarot reading. Someone will purchase a custom. All the money I make in my store I use towards my Canadian bill. That means we have a bit more cash here for something else.

The kindness of others also goes a long way. When I had to rush home to see my family because of a medical issue I was super stressed. I asked for guidance and the Goddess and God helped me find a super cheap flight. Then, out of the blue I was gifted a cheque in the amount of my flight. People around me care. They see the struggle and did what they could to help. I was told it was in appreciation of all I do for them all. Community is a thing of beauty. It doesn’t matter what faith you are, compassion is a language everyone knows. I won’t lie, they made me cry.

Prayers are wonderful, when community can help it is great,  but sometimes we need to do a little extra work ourselves.

On that note I thought I would share a bit of magick…

If you have time to let a spell slowly build, then I always start any magick on the Dark Moon. As the moon grows to full, the spell builds up. Then by the Full Moon it has usually come to fruition.

I add cinnamon to my spells to give it a little extra kick. Cinnamon is also seen as a spice that brings in money so that also helps.

When I see a coin on the sidewalk I pick it up. This is a tiny gift from the universe, accept it. Every bit can help.

Create a spell trigger. Make up a mantra, phrase or something else that will remind you of your spell. Then write it out and put it somewhere you will see it. Or create a phrase you can use as a password and change that so every time you type it in you are putting more energy out there. Set alarms and when they go off, repeat your mantra or think about the spell.

Use your daily journal as another way to add energy. Write out your goals, write your mantra, and visualize the success of your spell as you do this.

Remember to take a moment. Thank the Gods for what they have helped provide to you. Think about the blessings you have. Sometimes we get so lost in what we need we forget to pause and enjoy what we have.

Best of luck! I’d love to hear any little things you do to try to bring in money magick!

Take back the fierceness

I’ve been following the social media accounts of many strong women. They are inspiring, so much passion and fierceness. Sometimes I think “I used to be like that, what happened?” After much pondering I’ve decided I don’t want to say that anymore. I’ve decided to take back my fierceness.

I know part of it was age. As I got older I lost a bit of fire. And that was good. I used to have a bit too much passion and it was an out of control wildfire. I wouldn’t take the time to actually think through what was coming out of my mouth, I didn’t do my research fully, and I let mama bear drive my emotions. I slowed down in my late 20s- 30s and got my emotional feet under me. I am happy with that change.

The other part was dealing with the judgement and discrimination when I moved to the USA. Suddenly, I was considered too inappropriate, too loud, too strange, I showed too much skin, I  had crazy hair… so many things. I let it wear me down. Part of that was my stubborn nature, I was like “Well fine, I’ll be boring” but I got over that. Part of it was dealing with a totally different community than I was used to. I am someone who adapts, so I tried to blend in more to the people I was meeting. The midwest is more conservative than the west coast and so some of my flamboyant nature was stamped down.

I was put through an emotional trial with some stuff that went on in our life. I struggled to fit in, I let fear run my brain with all this crazy immigration shit and politics.

A month ago I had a realization. I’m never going to fully fit in with the pagan community here. I come from different roots and I am tired of trying to find my tribe. I’m at a point in my life where I know what is important to me. I know how I like to worship.  I’ve been walking this religious path for over 22 years. I don’t need a group to validate me.

That realization was freeing. Along with that I realized I need to go back to my fierceness for my family. I need to be strong and powerful to teach my son how to exist in this fucked up world. I need to go back to being the crazy soul who dances in the grocery store. I need to show him how to live life with passion and joy. That means I need to get back to my roots to be me fully.

I am embracing my nature. I am one of those super positive people who believes in other people. I am a cheerleader. I like to support others. I know that in the world today people like me are  thought to be too fake, there is a mindset that we are only pretending to be supportive so that we can look good. This isn’t true. I really am a person who likes to lift others up. I enjoy saying “yes, you are awesome! you are beautiful!” The problem is, I get drained. People will use me up to feel good and then toss me aside.

So I have learned to put limits on my support. I need to take care of me as well.  Now I’m going to say “Hey, I need my own time and space.”  When I can, I’ll be back to support in ways that don’t drain me dry.

I also used to post about all sorts of magick, meditations, dreams and the awesome spiritual stuff I was going through. I had to stop because of some “life stuff”, but I think I am finally at a point where I can bring back some of that without it causing headaches for my family. I am pickier about what I share now, so I doubt it will be as deep as it used to be, but there might be more actual witchcraft posted here again. Crazy, I know!

I am probably going to give up on the small circles I was trying to create. I don’t have the energy or time to run a group or host space for others. I am going to go deep into my own practice. I will offer support through social media for people who need it by sharing rituals or ideas that others may find useful. I will be there to bounce ideas off of, I may continue to teach my 101 online when I have the desire to do so. When it fits my schedule I will try to get out to group stuff so I can connect, but I am not going to stress over it anymore.

My fierceness will come through in many different ways. The biggest way will be doing what I  want and taking care of myself. I know that the idea of self love and care can be a weird topic for many. I’m going to own it and be me. Cause, I fucking love who I am. That statement alone is a revolution in this world. Time to be me. Take it or leave it world. I don’t need your validation or permission.

The season of the witch is here. I’m going to own it.

 

 

 

 

Equinox recap

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! As I noted before I knew we were going to have a quiet one. WI is having a heat wave so I only left the house if it was necessary.

Once I got home from work on Friday I did a bit of decorating and then once the baby was in bed I went down to my temple space and celebrated. I kept it simple, I wrote out things I was grateful for, put out offerings, and did a bit of tarot work.

Blessings of the Equinox. I hope you all had a beautiful and magickal day. 🍁🔮🍂

A post shared by Cin (@stone_spiral_blog) on

Saturday morning the little dude and I were off to a play date and then home again before it got super hot and humid out. I felt bad that we couldn’t be outside, but we had a lot of fun playing. In the afternoon I started making the soup that would be our Equinox meal. I could have done it for Friday, but I was so tired from the heat and work that I decided to wait. The soup was actually much easier to make then I thought it would be and was delicious.

I managed to make another stuffie for the shop and finished up 2 I had been working on. You will see them all soon! Check out my instagram feed for sneak peeks.

We snuck outside in the morning on Sunday before it got too hot and played in the yard. Our giant sunflowers are making seeds! We can’t wait to harvest them all. We had so much fun growing them this year. Next year we may do more. Hopefully once the weather cools down we’ll get out to the garden to do some work. It is in need of some weeding and I have to start to prep for the winter.

What sort of fun did you have this weekend?

Mabon ritual

Mabon is on Friday so I thought I would share a simple ritual. Mabon is a time of gratitude and thanks for me, so this ritual is to express that gratitude as you prepare for the fall and winter. Feel  free to add to this ritual, change it up, or strip it down. I have tried to leave it super simple so you can customize it as you wish.

Mabon

Items needed: Candle, candle holder, lighter, incense or rattle, large bowl, paper cut in strips, pen, a small box or pouch, chalice/cup with beverage, plate with food, offering bowl/plate

Light your candle and set it on your altar. Then either light your incense or pick up your rattle. Walk around your space smudging or using the rattle to cleanse the space with its vibrations. As you walk, visualize creating a sacred space, the smoke or sound chasing any negative energy away.

At your altar take a moment to pause and take 3 deep breathes in and out.

Cast your circle: There are a variety of ways to do this, use whatever method feels best to you. A simple way is to walk the circle with your hand out, visualizing the circle being drawn with your hand. Remember to bring the circle up into a sphere, above and below.

Quarters: You can use these simple quarter calls or make up your own.

Facing the North call the North quarter.

Element of Earth, Guardian of the North

You are the strong mountains and the ground beneath our feet.

Use your strength to keep this circle safe.

Element of Earth, watch over this sacred space!

Blessed Be

Face the East and call the East quarter.

Element of Air, Guardian of the East

You are cool breezes and strong storms.

Use your strength to keep this circle safe.

Element of Air, watch over this sacred space!

Blessed Be

Face the South and call the South quarter.

Element of Fire, Guardian of the South

You are the heat of the sun and the light of the fire.

Use your strength to keep this circle safe.

Element of Fire, watch over this sacred space!

Blessed Be.

Face the West and call the West quarter.

Element of Water, Guardian of the West

You are cool waters and raindrops on the grass.

Use your strength to keep this circle safe.

Element of Water, watch over this sacred space!

Blessed Be

Invoke the Goddess and God: Some people work with both a Goddess and God, some only work with one. Use whatever feels right to you. At this time you are asking the Divine to join you, some may do this silently in prayer, others may read an invocation out loud, and some may say something simple. Whatever you use, whether you wrote it or if you found it online or in a book, really feel it and let your intention come through your words. Don’t worry if you think you sound silly, just speak from the heart.

Once you are done your sacred space is complete. Now is the time to do your working.

Sit down with your pen and strips of paper and think about the past year. What things stand out for you? Is there anything you are really grateful for? Are there things you want to honour? Changes you went through, lessons you learned? Write down something on each of the strips of paper.

Let yourself take all the time you need here.

Once you are satisfied, place all your strips of paper in the bowl and mix them up. Hold the bowl and say

“May these moments remind me of who I am and how far I have come. May they guide me when I feel lost. May the gratitude fill me and lead me to new and wonderful moments.”

Breathe deeply and then gently fold each strip and place them in a pouch or small box. When you are in need you can pull one out and use it as a divination tool or a gentle reminder to help get you through a tough moment.

Now is also a time for you to meditate or do any other work you may wish to do.

Pour your beverage (or if it’s already in the cup) hold your hand over it and visualize energy mingling with the liquid. Visualize whatever kind of energy you feel you need in your life. Lift the cup and say

“May I never thirst. May I be full of blessings and ____.” Drink deeply and then set the cup aside, leaving some liquid in it.

Hold your hands over your plate and visualize energy filling the food.

Say “May I never hunger. May I be full of blessings and _____.” Eat, leaving a small amount on the plate.

Place the remainder of the food in your offering bowl and pour the remaining liquid in. Say

“I offer this in gratitude. Thank you for the blessings I have in my life. Thank you for the energy and guidance you give. Blessed Be”

Set the plate aside. After your ritual either take it outside and leave it somewhere to dispose of it in a way that is safe for any animals in the area. If you do not have that option, then do whatever works best for you with your offerings. This may mean you eat it, it might mean you put it down the drain. Whatever feels right and is safe for you to do.

Thank the Goddess and God. As with invoking you want to say goodbye with intention and in a respectful way. Put the same energy into this as you did with the invocation. Speak from the heart, thank them for their energy and gifts and then say goodbye.

Release the quarters: Use these simple ones or make up your own.

Facing the North call the North quarter.

Element of Earth, Guardian of the North

Thank you for the gifts you brought to this circle.

Thank you for keeping this sacred space safe.

Element of Earth, I release you back to your realm. Go in peace.

Blessed Be

Face the East and call the East quarter.

Element of Air, Guardian of the East

Thank you for the gifts you brought to this circle.

Thank you for keeping this sacred space safe.

Element of Air, I release you back to your realm. Go in peace.

Blessed Be

Face the South and call the South quarter.

Element of Fire, Guardian of the South

Thank you for the gifts you brought to this circle.

Thank you for keeping this sacred space safe.

Element of Fire, I release you back to your realm. Go in peace.

Blessed Be

Face the West and call the West quarter.

Element of Water, Guardian of the West

Thank you for the gifts you brought to this circle.

Thank you for keeping this sacred space safe.

Element of Water, I release you back to your realm. Go in peace.

Blessed Be

Center yourself, pause, breathe and then cut your circle. You can either trace it back with your hand in reverse, or you can stand in one spot and slash through it with your hand visualizing the circle melting away or going back into the earth.

Your circle is open, your ritual is done.