Finding the tribe

As my long time readers know, I left behind a large coven and large community when I moved to the United States. I have struggled in the 4.5 years I have been here to recreate what I had or to find like-minded groups. I am searching for something and I am not sure what it is.

I thought I had finally found it. My coven was small but it was slowly getting stronger. Then the past few months it very slowly fell apart. Not from drama or anything bad, just from us being at different points on our paths. We each needed something else. I won’t lie, it was a bit of a kick in the teeth. I felt like I was finally getting everything organized, I had finally re-written all my rituals and worked on all the things and was ready to have my tradition be born. I did my ritual, I set my intention and then it so very softly split apart.

As I sat in my temple space and pondered the nature of things, I realized this was probably a blessing. It lit the fire back in me to make sure I was working on my sacredness. Everything had been on hold while I was pregnant and now it was time for me to learn how to balance the mother and the priestess.

I was forced to re-think things. I stumbled across a free course run by Elle North and I enjoyed it. Ideas began to grow and then I found another free course run by Sora Surya No. I am currently working my way through the content and I am feeling so zen. The videos and discussions with these wonderful woman is reminding me to find the sacred within and how to keep the sacred in my business.

Granted, I don’t have a business yet, but there are seeds planted. Little things I could offer to help offset the cost of daycare and all the bills. Living paycheck to paycheck is not fun, but the blessing of my son is worth the struggle. I am getting more creative at how to be careful with our finances, learning what I actually need vs what I want.

I am also learning how to embrace sisterhood through the net. How to live in the online tribe of energy we can all share. I am reminded that I am not alone, that I can create new connections and everything will come to me if I ask and am open to receiving.

Breathe in, breath out and connect.

 

Green cards

This weekend was emotionally and mentally draining for me. Watching the news and seeing Green Card holders and Visa holders be detained and denied entrance was horrifying. Seeing the ignorant comments was just as bad.

For those who aren’t aware, a green card is actually a Permanent Resident Card. It means you have gone through at least 2 years of paperwork and processing. 2 years of background checks done by several branches of the American government plus your own government. 2 years of stress, of paying money and filling out forms and doing everything you can to keep from going a little bit crazy with the uncertainty.

I say at least 2 years because it all depends on the type of Visa you applied for. Some people will be in processing for even longer.

I saw several ignorant comments about “Well maybe they should have become citizens. Then they wouldn’t have to worry” Guess what, you can’t just become a citizen. Again, you must be a green card holder living in the USA for a certain number of years before you can apply and then its back to paperwork, fees and waiting. For most people they must live here 5 years before they can become a citizen.

Please educate yourself a bit before you make snap decisions about immigration. Refugees also must go through a vetting process and that takes time.

Living through it all is stressful. Today on my Facebook memories the following came up from 5 years ago. This happy news meant that the very start of our visa journey had been approved. We waited 5 months for this moment.

HAPPY NEWS!!!!

My fiance got mail. My application is approved! APPROVEDDDDDDEDDEDDD!!

I’m sitting here crying. Happy tears.

5 months of wondering if we would get approval to move onto the next step. Then came many more steps and more paperwork. Then once I was here we had to apply for the green card and wait on that. And due to processing times being long, my green card didn’t show up until it was almost 8 months past when they said it would be there. And every time I called I was told they couldn’t tell me anything. Just that I was in processing. Do you know how stressful that is? Waiting and waiting and knowing that your work visa is going to expire and not knowing if you will have to leave your job and family…

So now here we are. Everyone tells me that I have nothing to fear from Trump’s administration as I am a “Legal” immigrant. That is lovely¬† to say but this weekend proved that no, being legal doesn’t do anything. Thankfully it sounds like all of the detained were finally allowed in, but that fear is there now. And it is trying hard to take root. I’m holding it back the best I can, but being pagan I worry about which religious group will be targeted next.

I’m beginging to prepare myself for a long 4 years.

Dark days ahead

There is so much fear and madness in the world today. As an immigrant I have many fears, but am doing what I can to work through it. A friend and I went out for a photo walk on the weekend. She wasn’t sure what we would find in the middle of January, but I explained to her my love for beautiful decay and moody shots. We had a lovely hour out and I was able to let go of some of the stress. Being out in nature is a meditation on its own, add my camera and I am able to relax even more.

Dark days might be ahead, but we will do what we can to live in the moment.

tree-farm

Samhain

On the 31st I brought my meditation oracle to work. Every year I bring something and let my coworkers pick a card. This year everyone was very impressed because they all got some sort of message that meant something to them. My message was a bit of a cosmic 2×4, but I have come to expect that of my messages.

We didn’t get very many trick or treaters, but the few we had were cute. The little dude was very interested in what was going on. On the weekend before Halloween we had the wee one as well and we all went over to a friends house for Halloween fun. The kids dressed up, played Halloween games like “Mummy Wrap” and carved pumpkins. They all had a good time.

Back home on the 31st, after the little dude was asleep, I went out and walked our yard and worked on the wards. It was a wonderfully witchy night, the wind was blowing and the stars were out. It had a crispness in the air that made it feel like it would be cold soon. I walked around my yard, working my magick and letting my cloak fly about in the wind. It was lovely.

My coven wasn’t able to get together until Nov 5th, so that is when we celebrated. We didn’t do any of the traditional Samhain things this year, we had other magick to work. When we were done it felt good. I almost cried, the reaction that let me know the magick was working. There was a feeling of solidness, that what we had done was the right path. I look forward to the steady growth as we move forward.

I also wasn’t ready to deal with the grief I had. Earlier in October a friend took their own life. I’m still working through that and will say goodbye when it feels right.

Mid-fall update

Time is chugging along. What have I been doing?

The little dude can’t have dairy or soy so I have cut all of that from my diet. Between that and breastfeeding I am now 7 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight 5.5 months after giving birth. That’s fabulous, but I’ve had people lecture me about trying to get in shape too quickly and I’m left saying “I didn’t do anything, it all fell off”

And it is true. I am not doing anything extra, just my 10 mins of yoga and then lugging around an 18 lb baby. (Giant baby) I’m doing my best to eat a ton to keep up with it all, but these things happen. People need to chill.

The house is slowly being baby proofed as the little dude can wiggle and squirm his way all over pretty easily. We’ve been planning out the changes to the garden and we are looking forward to getting our Canada 150th anniversary tulips in the ground.

The tween has requested a Halloween costume so I have started work on that. I still don’t know what I am going to wear, but I’ll figure something out. The little dude’s costume was ordered and has arrived and we can’t wait to dress him up.

I’ve been writing rituals and mentally preparing for the next few months of spiritual work. I have ideas, I just need to sit down and take time for myself to get them done. Organization is important. Samhain is approaching quickly so I need to get that prep work done.

I hope everyone else is having a lovely fall!

 

Prepping for Mabon

The wheel is turning and some of these mornings have really felt like Fall! My coven mate and I met up to discuss admin/organizational things a few weeks ago. At that time I said “Well eventually I should get back out into the community to get to know people and have them get to know us” So of course the universe listened because now I am running the Mabon ritual for a community Mabon.

I kept it simple. Rather then doing a full Wiccan circle I am going to create sacred space with the help of everyone there. Getting people involved is fun and I hope it makes people feel more connected.

I have cleaned out space in the basement so that we can ritual without disrupting the hubby and the little dude. Eventually I will get a throw rug and privacy screens to make the space pretty, but for now we’ll pull a table out and ritual on the cement floor.

I’m excited to be back in the swing of things spiritually. I tried to keep doing some things while pregnant, but there was so much more going on in our life so it was difficult. And I think it was important to take that time to look inward and focus on the changes I was going through.

My plan is to not take any students on until next year, but I am aware that sometimes things happen. So I haven’t set anything in stone. I have some re-writing to do of things and organizing to do for the group and then there is that whole figuring out my time management for house stuff too.

The little dude is growing so fast. He’s already 4 months. Watching him learn things is so fascinating. I try not to post too many photos of him on Instagram, but there is the occasional one. He’s such a good little dude, we really are blessed. His big sister adores him and is really excited when she gets to have a cuddle with him. On one of our trips she fell asleep in the back seat holding his hand. My heart melted. So much love.

I hope you all are doing well and are getting ready for the changing of the seasons!

 

Blessings

It is hard to believe it has been almost 9 weeks since I gave birth. People keep asking me if its like I expected it to be. I don’t really know what to tell them, I had no expectations going into this. Every child is different and every day is a new adventure.

I can say that we are so in love with our little boy. He is such an amazing little person. Listening to him try to copy the things we say is adorable. Watching his smile makes me smile. The hubby says he loves to watch us look at each other because there is so much love.

I hope to teach him all about different religions. I want him to explore and find the spirituality that fits with him. Yes, he’ll learn about my faith, but he’ll also go to church with Nana, we’ll explore other spiritual paths together and when he’s ready I hope he finds a faith that fills him with peace and joy.

The hubby and I have discussed different traditions we hope to build, traditions from our families we hope to blend and in the end we’ll hopefully have fun and meaningful things for our holidays.

I am feeling blessed in what we have. I give thanks for how things have worked out so far. I give thanks for the wonderful team that helped bring this little person into the world safely.

I haven’t had much chance to do things just for me. The few times I have managed to go and enter sacred space are few, but I have had a chance to do so. I am hopeful that I can get back into a regular routine with my spirituality.

I have ideas on how to build my temple space, it will just take time. And figuring out how to keep it private from the tween eyes will be a bit of a challenge, but I think I can do it. I’m also hopeful about the community of my coven and how we will grow. I will plant all these thoughts and blessings and do my best to water them daily with my gratitude.